It’s much more fun to be a freelance person than to have a job at an agency. You get to read the (entire) New York Times everyday. You go to all the movies during the week and share the theater with very elderly couples who can’t hear or see clearly and are therefore not looking for freelance work.
You can also go to the gym for a good workout around 3 p.m., when the only people on the machines are—you got it—freelance. Notice the males’ bulging biceps and rippling abs. See the amazingly small waists of the females. This is the result of regular, uninterrupted-by-deadlines exercise. Around 4:30 p.m., you will probably bump into each other in Starbucks. There you all are, freshly showered and combed, sipping your exotic café latte as you hunch over your laptops reading Craigslist for freelance work.
This is a typically wonderful day. And if you’re freelance, you’ll have another one just like it tomorrow. How different life is from the old days when you were a card-carrying employee on the verge of extinction at one of the agencies with so many names and initials you had no way of telling anyone where you worked.
Remember when you used to say "I’m a [title] at an advertising agency, but I will soon be leaving to open up [name of business]." Since this business will be named with your initials, it will sound very important. Who has to know you’re freelance as long as your answering machine says, "M & M Advertising"? Or "M & M & Partners" (this could be your two dogs who hang around you because you’re home now).
Compare your life now with then. Remember Sunday nights when you were employed? Those were the nights you worried yourself sick about what was going to happen on Monday. You really didn’t like the hemorrhoid copy you wrote on Sunday afternoon while watching the Redskins, but your original copy was killed on Friday. On Monday at 10 a.m., you will be presenting the new copy to your creative director and that wise old fox, your account man, before their lunch meeting at noon with the client. (Three slippery hemorrhoid executives: the marketing director, the brand manager, and their in-house coupon writer.) Will you read your new copy to everyone? No. Because between 10 a.m. and noon, it was killed again, and one of the agency’s junior copywriters is reading hers instead.
Everyone loves it.
Some current freelancers look back on those days and chuckle. Others attend to their ulcers. It doesn’t matter if they cropped up then or now. Then you had to put up with intimidation and rejection at the office. Now you have to put up with intimidation from your landlord. Doesn’t he understand that when you are freelance you don’t have a steady income? Doesn’t he see you in your workout clothes jogging to Crunch in the middle of the day? Could it be that he is thinking, "Why doesn’t this schmuck have a job like everybody else?"
Ignore him. Try and patch up things with your father, so you have a source of rent money. Enjoy your freedom. If you are single, you only have yourself and the two dogs to think about. If you’re married and have kids in private school or college, you have a problem.
Have you thought about calling everyone you ever knew in the business who could recommend powerful ad people who would give you freelance work? Have you thought about advertising your talents in the trades, where everyone you ever knew is advertising their talents too? "Call Murray. I deliver. Fast and fabulous copy on strategy."
Another way of maintaining your carefree freelance lifestyle is to phone or e-mail headhunters. Most likely they will remember you from when you were hot and ask you to come in. Or if they’re all 12 years old, they will ask you to send samples of your writing and a résumé. If you wonder how 12-year-olds can judge your copy, remember that they are also writing movies.
If none of this works, you can always write a book. The good news about this is that nobody reads advertising books except people in advertising—and not too many of them at that. The purpose of writing a book is so you can have a book signing and invite everyone you ever knew in the business for free wine and cheese, plus a short, humorous speech from you. The speech should end with an announcement that you now have your own creative workshop (M & M & Partners) and do only award-winning freelance work.
If this doesn’t drum up freelance assignments, call your father and tell him he was right. You always wanted to work with him in the dress business.
