Mr. and Mrs. Oscar and Emmy A. Ward announced today the birth of a strong little son, AICE, weighing six pounds, four ounces, and measuring just under 13 inches in length. He is named for both his paternal and maternal uncles, of the Association of Independent Creative Editors. Mother and son are resting comfortably at Flatbed Memorial Hospital in New York.
Reached in her suite in the Splicer Maternity Unit, Mrs. Ward denied rumors that it had been an extremely difficult birth. "He was quite a bit overdue," she admitted, adding with a charming giggle, "especially compared with the others! Why, little Clio just popped right out! And our son Diggy—oops! Don’t let on I told you that—he’ll just kill me! Lately he wants to be called by his initials, D.G.A.—why, he was actually quite a bit premature!"
Mrs. Ward went on to claim that AICE’s actual birth was remarkably swift. "I remember Diggy’s birth went on for hours and hours," she recalled, "with the same pain over and over, only sometimes it would be dark, sometimes it would be bright; sometimes there would be these silly curtains blowing, sometimes there would be no wind, but a trustworthy-looking nurse would hover … Then everyone would go have coffee and talk on their cell phones. It was all so confusing. But AICE’s birth couldn’t have taken more than, oh, thirty seconds or so! And the funny thing is that every one of those thirty seconds was a wonderful little moment! I feel like I got a real message!"
When asked how the new addition would affect the famous Ward family, Mrs. Ward replied that she believed little AICE would be just what their family needed. "You know how it is with children," she confided. "Clio’s the oldest, and thinks she rules the roost! And Diggy—oops—D.G.A. Well, you know how boys can sometimes think the world just revolves around them! Why, just yesterday, his auntie told him how lucky he was to have a baby brother, and he said something about how it was all ‘his vision’ in the first place! Can you imagine? So his daddy and I are hoping that maybe little AICE has arrived just in time!!"
In lieu of flowers, well-wishers are invited to join the family at The First Annual AICE Awards, to be held Nov. 7, at Pier 60, New York.
