The Producer Real DealIf you make the choice to produce, your job will be chaotic, test your bladder, and most likely produce stars out of everyone but you. If you can handle that and want to be a “good” producer, you must be capable of doing at least 10 jobs simultaneously. For example, you will have to be an accountant, spreadsheet wizard, lighting and camera semi-pro (so when the key technicians over-order you can accurately question, “Do you really need this?”), logistics expert, snack monitor, weatherperson (“It’s going to rain in 22 minutes”), director confidant, den mother (“Put your raincoat on in 21 minutes”), professional cocktailer, and liaison to everyone. Good for you if you are still interested! It will be an incredible journey to interesting places and life-long friendships.
As a young producer, I used to think that the most rewarding part of the job was coming in on budget. It’s important, however no budget can be initially perfect because it is created weeks/months in advance of the inevitable twists and turns a campaign endures. A good line-producer comes in where the job costs and usually less, because they’ve tweaked every dime and cut every deal possible. I later embraced that what’s more personally rewarding is being a part of a team that figured “it” out under heavy time constraints and unforeseen obstacles. It sounds hokey, but producers are addicts to the rush of figuring out the puzzle that creates a look, a message, and visual magic. Commercial producing is exciting and worth the occasional bladder infection some unfortunate producers might get. When in doubt order an extra throne!
Chaos and Specialty Coffees Here are some tips for line producers to make your shoots pleasurable for your clients and agency: put delicious snacks in video village, give the client/agency mementos from the shoot (20-foot Christmas wreath, pregnant suit, an above-ground swimming pool), and, of course, buy rounds of unbudgeted, specialty coffees (I love my Starbucks spreadsheet). Remember that, amidst normal shoot disasters, you have to be the graceful swan paddling like hell beneath the water! For example, when figuring out what to do when your production assistant crashes the van that is transporting the 15-foot-tall, Fruit Newton needed on set 10 minutes ago, you must be prepared to simultaneously indulge the client, who just asked you to go freshen up the bathroom. It’s the LP’s job to keep the client and agency happy, no matter how grave the chaos might seem. First, delegate someone else to clean the bathroom and smile. Remember your agency and clients have worked months to get this “Out of Office” shoot day, and their whole campaign could tank if you don’t do your job to pull it off. They don’t need to know about the chaos, just get them their coffee and figure it out. A good line producer can do it all without anyone smelling a hint of chaos.
You Never Know What Tomorrow Brings– You would think that, with all the time on their hands, grips and electricians could come up with some fresh material to haze the new production assistants, but I, like so many before me, was subjected to the oldest trick in the book:
“Hey, will you go grab me some ‘F-stops’ off the truck?” a gaffer asked me.
It’s an impossible task. F-stops are the internal aperture settings in a camera that regulate light through the lens. The equipment truck technician (always awaiting the next newbie) happily gave me some “faux F-stops” (several heavy sandbags) to waddle back to the set with, so everyone could laugh out loud at me. It’s all part of breaking into the business I suppose.
John, the genius key grip, interrupted the laughter and warned, “Be careful. Today she is a production assistant, but tomorrow she might be your boss.”
John was right. I did become their boss. A boss who loves to play practical jokes and had some favors to return. As a producer, I feel that our production culture should be a blend of hard work, artistry and good (clean?) pranking.
On a shoot I was line-producing in Minneapolis, a crewmember and I had been trading some pretty good pranks throughout the seven-day shoot. His last had intentionally crossed into my forbidden prank zone (worms!). I waited until the last day of the shoot, knowing he had a one-hour drive home. I waved good-bye with a smile. I got an expected call about 40 minutes into his drive. He was quite upset as the cabin of his luxury SUV had filled with a stinky, rotten fish smelling, gray smoke. One of my favorite pranks: sardines on the engine block. Just be sure your shoot has successfully ended before pulling out the big guns!
C. Fitz owns a production company, Dancing Pictures (www.thedancingpictures.com). She enjoys wearing many hats and has worked as a commercial producer, director, showrunner and development executive.
