Client briefing: Client: Here’s our new product. It’s called Something.
Account Person: It’s not interesting at all.
Client: Thanks. We tested it to make sure.
Account Person: And everyone likes it?
Client: Better. No one doesn’t like it.
Creative meeting with client:
Copywriter: And that’s our board for Something. I purposely left out the "story" in storyboard because there is no narrative, no idea at all.
Client: Very safe.
Art Director: Yeah, and notice how every shot of Something is completely nondescript. You don’t know what it is or how to use it—there is a complete visual and contextual void.
Client: Very, very safe.
Account Person: And, naturally, we have no guerrilla marketing components, either!
Client: I feel safe with this work for Something. Or, to be safe, I should say, I feel your work for Something is safe.
Production meeting:
Director: I’m thinking the entire color palette for Something should be sunny.
Agency Producer: But not warm, golden-tone sunny, right? That could bring up emotions. I mean, the light will be flat—no dramatic shadows, right?
Director: We’re shooting, I mean filming, only when the sun is directly overhead to make sure there’s no cinematographic point of view whatsoever.
Casting Director: And the actors will be generic.
Copywriter: The dialogue about the product should be delivered in a meaningless way.
Producer: No over promises—no promises at all.
Creative Director: And, please, no inflections. Or accents.
Art Director: Can we agree to try nothing new at all?
Director: No guarantees, but we can try!
Postproduction meeting:
Postproduction Producer: I think we should use the Henry to remove that freckle on the kid holding Something.
Art Director: Thanks for catching that—it would’ve meant my job.
Colorist: I am a bit concerned that Something is looking like something. If I just tweak the texture out here—see!
Postproduction Producer: Something is almost invisible! I mean, I see it but—it’s like Something isn’t there! You’ve technologically removed every bit of personality from Something!
Agency Producer: I’m safe with that—you guys safe with that?
Art Director: I’m safe with that.
Copywriter: Not that it’s my call, but I’m safe with that.
Screening with agency and client:
Client: I don’t know … there’s something funny about Something.
Account Person: Funny as in "ha-ha?" Or funny like different?
Client: Either could cause a reaction.
Entire Team: Let’s test it–just to be safe!
