Even though your boss probably didn’t go down on one knee and propose marriage, and you and your co-workers most likely didn’t enjoy a sexy, fantasy-inspiring dating period that steadily built from infatuation to the point of exchanging vows, our relationships with co-workers, vendors and clients often become so much like marriages that it’s downright scary.
During these trying times—when everyone seems concerned about their jobs, concerned about their client relationships and even concerned about their clients’ clients—these similarities seem that much more evident in the ways they can weigh upon us, probably because the interactions at work are so vital to each of us in terms of our self-esteem and security.
The world of management has never prescribed that those on the executive levels should involve themselves in the personal lives of those they manage—but clear, respectful communication on a personal level should be a no-brainer. Obviously, every person within your professional surroundings has a life (let’s hope so anyway!), and although every one of these folks is unique, there are some basic rules that are important for managers, co-workers and subordinates to bear in mind.
Quite simply, I’m referring to honoring the respect that each person deserves, and doing our part to underwrite the self-esteem of those around us. Essentially, as in a marriage, if a work relationship is going to be productive and successful (serving the individuals and the greater union), each party must be committed to the practice of respecting each other. Making mutual respect an integral part of communication between yourself and everyone you come into professional contact with is the key to putting these ideas in motion.
Here are some of the basic tenets from the realm of marriage counseling that can save relationships and make life much more enjoyable for you, your mate and the kids … er, the rest of your colleagues.
1. Think before you speak.
2. Never let emotions initiate or drive the delivery of a message.
3. Check your own ego and prevent it from interfering with the matters at hand.
4. If you find yourself serving up a lie, stop. Lies can’t stand the test of time. Also, the truth is a hell of a lot easier to remember!
5. Always take the utmost care in what you say. Hitting below the belt is completely outlawed since once something truly low is delivered, it can rarely be taken back.
6. Never dress someone down in front of others.
7. When dealing with perceived problems, always give others a chance to share their insights before jumping to conclusions. People are innocent until proven guilty.
8. Bear in mind that everyone has a different perception of reality that is most likely just as valid as yours. (Remember the classic Kurosawa film, Rashomon? If not, reports are due by week’s end.) Also, know that it is only natural for people to think of themselves first.
9. Remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion; if nothing else, agree to disagree.
10. Ask others for their input, and genuinely listen to what they have to say. Make a point of letting them know you have heard them and that you see their perspective. Though this is not easy, it’s critical—why else would we have two ears and one mouth?
11. Understand that everyone has hot buttons based on things that most likely have nothing to do with you. By asking for their input and listening, maybe you can learn to avoid pushing their buttons in the future.
12. If you find that despite having adopted all these practices you’re still frustrated and furious, take a deep breath and count to 10. Still mad? Count to 20, then remember that it is not brain surgery we are practicing here—we all got into this business to have fun, and to express ourselves. Perspective, friends, perspective!
13. Visualize and present a positive resolution. It’s inspiring, it neutralizes insecurities and it naturally softens an adversarial attitude. Is that the sound of angels singing?
14. To gain peoples’ respect and trust, one must always remain calm, cool and collected.
I think it’s safe to say that stress has become a huge part of everyone’s life these days, so making the effort to maintain positive attitudes and relationships at work is not only a responsibility we each share—it’s something we all stand to benefit from. One of my friends recently related that he often regrets telling someone exactly what they deserved to hear, but he never regrets being overly kind and supportive. Since we all have it within us to do so, it seems perfectly clear that making the effort to respect others—and maybe even giving them more than we feel they deserve—is where it’s at. Give the love and you’ll feel it, I guarantee.
