I’m writing this on the plane on my way home from Cannes. Since great advertising is supposed to be memorable, I decided to write entirely from memory (my partied-out sleep-deprived memory). So if there’s something I don’t remember, it either wasn’t very memorable, or I spent too much time at the Gutter Bar.
The first thing I remember was just how bad the shortlist was. I wanted to respect the jury–a jury that is comprised of the most talented creative people in advertising. I was just a delegate, and a producer at that. In my wildest dreams, I know I would never be asked to be on a Cannes jury.
I tried to draw conclusions about what should win by getting out of bed on the morning of the shortlist screening and trudging over to the Palais on Friday at 9:00. I sat through four-and-a-half hours of commercials with a few thousand other committed delegates from all over the world who value Cannes as an educational experience. I even called it a night at 2:00 in the morning on Thursday so I could get a half night’s sleep. I admit to dozing a few times during the shortlist screening. I even fell asleep once during the Gala. (I’m not the only one, though. You all know who you are). Anyway, the way I make my decisions, is by watching the work and listening to what the delegates like and don’t like. This is what my sleep-deprived memory remembers:
Overall, a lot of the stuff on the shortlist was crap. One of the jurors seemed to love people screaming in your face. Really cutting edge, like Raising Arizona, 1987. There was at least one commercial with quick-cut-face-screaming in almost every category.
Sweet Foods had some really bad stuff. One standout shortlisted stinker was for some mint that was so cool, a guy’s head turns to ice after he eats it. It falls off into his girlfriend’s lap. She, of course, screams to the camera, like Raising Arizona, 1987 (that was the funny part). Altoids won gold in the category. I can’t knock the spots, but they weren’t better than last year’s.
In Alcoholic Beverages, the shortlist screening room cheered for two Bud Light spots. The first was “Skydiver,” a Super Bowl favorite. The delegates also loved the spot at the zoo, where a chimp grabs a taunting guy’s Bud Light and torments the dumb human through the bars. Some of Miller Beer’s “tasteless beer” work also received applause. None of the work received a Lion. Stella Artois got a bronze, I think, for a beautifully crafted humorous spot, not unlike the beautifully crafted humorous Stella spots that have been winners in the past. I don’t remember the winners.
Soft drinks. Another screamer. This one for K-fee, a German coffee drink. Serene scenes are interrupted by a devil that screams in your face (like Raising Arizona, 1987). It’s a perfect illustration of the product’s attribute: too much caffeine. I guess a lot of people who attended the awards gala must have attended the shortlist, because they started whistling and booing as soon as the first shot came on the screen. If the jury had sat with us mere delegates on Friday at the shortlist screening, they would have heard booing too. They didn’t. The campaign got Silver.
The jury also gave Silver to a spot from Thailand about an animated caterpillar that can’t get the little tealeaves at the top of the plant, because a samurai is cutting them off. So the caterpillar cries and drowns the samurai. I think that’s what it’s about, but I’m writing from memory.
I guess there wasn’t enough screaming in the “Spy vs. Spy” Mountain Dew campaign from Traktor and BBDO. This unique and well-crafted campaign only got Bronze. It deserved more. There was another Bronze for a cute clay-animated spot for Coca-Cola out of Argentina. Actually, it was my favorite in the category. Not for depth of creative thought, but for technique.
The Restaurant shortlist screening was interesting. The audience hated everything. There must have been 25 spots. They all got booed. I don’t think the delegate crowd likes fast food.
One of the reasons you go to Cannes is to see politically incorrect spots from other parts of the world that you wouldn’t get to see here. My favorite was an Energizer Lithium Battery spot about a man who gets an arm transplant. The donor was Japanese, and the new arm involuntarily takes pictures everywhere it goes–in bed, in the shower. This was one of the funniest spots of the festival, where political-correctness counts against you. The jury gave it silver. It deserved gold.
I remember another “only-at-Cannes” spot out of Thailand for Ford Trucks. A man is urinating by the side of the road, when a baby King Kong picks up his truck and starts playing with it like a toy. He bangs it around until his mother makes him give it back. The man finishes urinating, and gets in his truck. A Gold Lion winner.
Also in the “only-at-Cannes” category: a spot for Bic indelible markers. An elderly woman is plagued by perverted phone calls. Turns out that 50 years ago, 2 of her teenaged friends wrote her phone number on a bathroom wall, along with a graphic description of her sexual prowess.
The delegates cheered the VW “Singing in the Rain” commercial as soon as it came on the shortlist screen. It only got Bronze.
Spots that never made it to the Gala and should have: the great campaign for ebay, the Hewlett Packard digital photography spot, and the Axe spot about women going crazy over a pipe in their apartments. (The guy on the top floor is taking a shower, and the women are smelling the residue of his Axe going down the drain).
One of the great memories of Cannes is always the winner that gets booed off the stage. In addition to the German Caffeine spot, other winning losers: the dreadful banking work out of Belgium that won Gold, the Energy Conservation campaign out of Thailand, the furniture polish spot out of Brazil, and another even more dreadful banking spot out of Thailand.
I agreed with the jury about PlayStation, adidas, Mini Cooper, and Nike. I loved the music chosen for best use of music in the Spike Jonze-directed “Hello Tomorrow” for adidas.
And then there was the Grand Prix for Honda. It deserved it. The spot that Cannes, 2005, will be remembered for.
